Are you stressed? Me too, bruh.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your stress doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re human.
Living in a world that throws curveballs without warning, while trying to hold your relationships together, hit your goals, answer texts, pay bills, stay healthy, sleep enough, and maybe — just maybe — find time to enjoy your life.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, you’re not alone. But there’s one question I’ve been coming back to again and again — both in my own life and in the lives of the leaders and teams I coach:
Are you focusing on what you can control… or are you pouring your energy into things you can’t?
Because here’s the truth you most definitely are missing:
Stress isn’t just about what’s happening around you — it’s about where your attention goes.
The Circle of Influence
Stephen Covey — the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — talks about two circles we all have:
• Your circle of concern (everything you care about: the economy, other people’s opinions, world events, whether your boss likes you).
• Your circle of influence (the things you can actually do something about: your habits, your words, your attitude, your next step).
Most people live in the first circle.
Doomscrolling. Venting. Spinning out.
Trying to control the uncontrollable.
But growth happens when you start living in the second circle — when you shrink your focus down to what is in your hands, not what isn’t.
Read that two times.
The Science Backs This Up
In 2020, a landmark study published in Frontiers in Psychology explored the relationship between perceived control and stress. Researchers found that people who had a strong sense of control over their lives experienced significantly lower psychological distress, even when external stressors were high.
In fact, perceived control acted as a buffer — a shield — against the negative effects of stress.
“Perceiving greater control over one’s environment was associated with better mental health outcomes, including reduced anxiety and depression symptoms.”
Read that again too.
Think about that: it’s not necessarily the chaos around us that breaks us down — it’s feeling like we can’t do anything about it.
But once we start reclaiming even small choices — like how we breathe, what we say yes to, what we say no to, how we start our mornings — we build momentum.
And momentum builds agency.
And agency reduces stress.
Try This Today
If your stress feels like a tangled mess, here’s a simple way to start sorting it out:
Grab a pen and draw two circles.
Label the big one “What I’m Concerned About.” Label the smaller one inside it “What I Can Control.”
Write everything that’s weighing on you in the big circle.
All of it. Be honest.
Now move anything you can actually influence into the smaller circle.
Be ruthless.
If it’s not in your hands, it doesn’t belong there.
Take one thing from the smaller circle and do something about it today.
Doesn’t have to be huge.
Just forward.
💡 Remember: This practice isn’t about ignoring problems — it’s about engaging with life more wisely.
Less spinning, more steering.
Final Thought
Your peace doesn’t come from controlling everything.
It comes from knowing where to direct your energy.
So if you’re stressed out, ask yourself this:
Am I trying to manage the storm… or am I adjusting my sails?
Start small. Breathe deep. Focus on what’s yours to carry.
Let the rest go — at least for today.
Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this article give it some love by hitting the like button or if you know someone who needs this today, send it over to them, be a good sport!
Also, if you’re into art and film I have a separate Substack where I’ve been publishing more personal essays and artistic works of mine. If you’d like to check it out go here: link
See you on the next one!
References:
Lei Zheng, Miao Miao, Yiqun Gan (2020). Perceived control buffers the effects of stress on mental health during the COVID-19 pandemic. Frontiers in Psychology, https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/aphw.12232