Don’t Treat Employees Like Family.
Here’s the Hard Truth About People at Work.
Everyone loves to romanticize this “we’re a family” message in corporate culture. You’ve heard it—leaders and managers grinning ear-to-ear, saying stuff like:
“We’re all one big family here!”
“Isn’t this place awesome? Don’t you just love it?”
I’ve seen it firsthand, and let’s be real: a lot of employees—especially the younger crowd—don’t care about the Kum-Ba-Ya vibes. They’re rolling their eyes at it. Why? Because in one breath, you’ve got a manager hyping up how “amazing” everyone is, how “we’re all in this together,” and then—bam—next second, they’re tearing into someone, barking insults, or nitpicking without a shred of useful feedback.
There’s no “hey, let’s figure out where this went sideways” or “how can I help you level up?”
You could argue that’s exactly like family—yelling matches and all—but nah, that’s not the point. The messaging’s screwed up.
Employees aren’t your family, and that’s fine.
Sure, if you stick with a company for years, you might get close—like family, maybe. Bonds form, relationships grow. But let’s not kid ourselves: most people are there for a paycheck. They’re also quietly asking, “Should I stay? Should I leave for something closer to home? Should I finally chase that dream of painting full-time?”
So if we ditch the “family” line, how do we get people bought in? How do we spark great work?
The answer’s simple: treat people like autonomous adults who can think for themselves.
I saw this play out when I was in the military. You’d have these “older folks” barking at the younger airmen: “Just do what I say, you signed up for this,” or “I don’t owe you a ‘thank you’ for doing your damn job.” Guess what? A ton of those younger folks walked away—separated from the service—and they’ll tell you straight up it was the leadership that broke them. On the flip side, you’d get the rah-rah types who’d gush about “how much we appreciate you” and “we’re family,” but then they’d skip recognizing you at the quarterly awards or ghost you when you needed real support. They’re all talk. Then they’d get annoyed when you called them out or dared to question anything.
Neither works.
Here’s what does: respect their autonomy. Tap into their own visions, their goals, their drive. People need purpose to do good work, and you don’t fake that with “family” fluff. You build it by owning that they’re individuals with their own paths—not pawns in your feel-good story.
Here are three simple ways to make this stick:
#1. Psychological Safety
This isn’t some touchy-feely buzzword. It’s about people feeling free to speak up, throw ideas out, and be real without getting shut down or screwed over. Doesn’t mean you’re coddling anybody—folks confuse that all the time. It just means they can be themselves, and that’s how you get them to actually care about the mission. Buy-in starts here.
#2. Boundaries & Role Clarity
Tell people exactly what you expect. No vague nonsense, no guesswork. Lay it out: “This is your lane, this is what winning looks like.” Clarity kills confusion and sets them up to own it. This is how you get them to buy-in to their role.
#3. Accountability Across the Board
Fairness, period. No “good ol’ boy” cliques, no favorites. If you’re holding them to a standard, you better be holding yourself to it too. People see through the hypocrisy faster than you think.
Look, the “family” fantasy sounds great, but it’s a disservice—to the business and the people. Treating employees like autonomous players respects their agency, fuels their growth, and keeps things real. That’s how you build a workplace that’s healthy, sharp, and actually gets things done. Leaders need to quit the mushy slogans and start valuing people for what they bring—their skills, their voices, their individuality. That’s the real win, for them and the whole operation.
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-Ivan
Founder / CEO - The Better Place