After 14 years of active-duty service, I finally feel like I’m starting to grasp this whole work-life balance thing. It’s not really about splitting our time in half between work life and home life, it’s about being in the moment when we’re supposed to be in the moment.
No sense in sleeping while sitting in an arena watching two teams go at it, right? The whole point of being there is to enjoy the game. To watch it live. To enjoy the feeling. To embrace the atmosphere.
So why is it that in our lives we can’t seem to be present when we need to be?
Because we’re in the wrong gear.
Just like a transmission we have to shift up and down through gears s we don’t burn out. This burnout causes us to not be present when we need to be. If a transmission jumps radically between gears or slips gears then it could become damaged or blow, and that’s exactly what’ll happen with us.
Every time I teach a workshop I notice how much in the red and unhealthy we are as people. The term “work/life balance” has been a buzzword for years but what does it mean?
Enter The 5 Gears.
5th Gear: Focus mode
This gear is used for focused work with no distractions. This gear is reserved for focused work.
4th Gear: Task mode
This is the “todo” gear that’s full is lists. Pay bills, buy toilet paper, etc. Most of us wake up and go straight into this gear—we pick up our phones and start running around all day.
3rd gear: Social mode
This gear is for moments when we need to do some small talk.
2nd gear: Connect mode
This one is when we need to get deeper and more connected with someone.
1st gear: recharge mode
This one should be easy to identify! It’s the one we use to charge batteries! Exercise, sleep, reading, etc.
Reverse: responsive mode
This is a tough one to explain without creating a whole post on its own. I can sum it up in one question. How easy is it for you to apologize? Developing the ability to apologize when we mess up is important for maintaining relationships. In big and small things taking accountability is so important.
And that’s it! The five gears! But what now….
How do we stop ourselves from forgetting what we learned here and apply it?
Here’s how I use the 5 gears in my life.
Gear 1: In the morning, I avoid picking up the phone first. If I pick up the phone there are usually messages, emails, and notifications and all of that stuff is trying to put me straight into task mode (gear 4). The recharge gear is a great way to start the day. Sometimes it’s about a small journaling session or reading a few pages of a book. Gear one is the best way to start the day. Sometimes it’s about recharging at the end of the day or the end of the week. I usually every Tuesday or every other Tuesday (depending on what’s going on) I head over to AMC (stubs-list rocks) and what a movie by myself or with a friend.
Gear 2: If it’s a weekend, this is when my wife, son, and I connect through breakfast—we cook together, plan the day if we haven’t already, or hang out playing games, painting, or doing random stuff. This is usually a good gear to be in when my wife and I are waking up and chatting about the things we have to do or milestones we need to hit or just checking in on each other. Are we hitting markers? Is there something one of us needs from the other? Sometimes it means I’m talking to my son about the topics roaming around his head the night before.
Gear 3: This gear is the one I shift into when it’s time for the morning meeting at work. “Hey, how was the weekend? Did you catch the game? How’s the family?” All that small talk that gets the juices flowing.
Gear 4: This gear is best for jumping into tasks. After the morning meeting, I usually start working on tasks and sending emails, calling people, etc. If it’s a day when I’m teaching I might prep, or go to the classroom and connect (gear 3) with my students before shifting with them into gear 4.
Gear 5: This gear is reserved for very important projects or milestones that just need absolute attention. When I’m writing a script, writing papers for school, budgeting, or putting together a Substack post, I’m usually in this gear. This gear is designed for NO DISTRACTIONS. This is the state of flow, as they say.
The day is compromised of shifting up and down as needed.
Lunch? Gear 3 to connect with coworkers.
A phone call from the wife? Could be a 2nd gear conversation.
Get it?
Ok, here’s the bigger secret. I taught this idea to my wife and now we cue each other when we need each other in a certain gear.
She might say, “Hey, I need to get into gear 4 to clean the house can you go do some daddy and son stuff.”
I might say to her, “Hey, I’ve had a tough week and need some gear 1 time” or “gear 5 time to focus on a project.”
Or we all might say, “It’s movie day, time to shift into gear 2!”
The gears shine because we are speaking the same language. We understand each other’s expectations and we give each other the time we need to be present and productive with each other and on our own. The sense of balance returns to our lives.
You can do this at work too.
Put up the number five on your office door if you need to focus and not be disturbed. If you lead a team, you can tell everyone to shift into gear four as you start a meeting to get everyone on the same page—it’s time to get some tasks done!
It’s the common language there too.
This is how we slowly start to transform the cultures in our homes and at work into places that help us be present and productive. So, this work/life balance conversation becomes a thing of the past because…you know…we’re in the right gear at the right time.
— P.S. Scroll back up, screenshot the five gears, and paste it everywhere to remind you of when you need to shift! If you're interested in figuring out how to apply in your life for long-term change, DM me, or click one of the links below. It’s all free!
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